Let me stop you right there. This isn't going to be some adorable goo goo ga ga situation. I can see it in your eyes.....you think I'm just a stupid baby who is afraid of bananas because I'm a picky eater. Well! you COULDN'T MORE WRONG.  As my mother has mentioned to you a gazillion times I am ADVANCED for my age so I notice things other people don’t.  Let me prepare you with some background on these monsters before I share the full story about "bananas."

• First off, why are they always smiling? It's creepy. No fruit should be that happy.

• And don't get me started on how they just show up everywhere. One day, the fruit bowl is normal. Then I wake up from a nap and HOLY SHIT...SIX BANANAS!  It's like they're planning something.

• Fact three!  They're always in groups. Have you ever seen a lone banana? Maybe occasionally and it was probably bruised up.  They beat up their own and leave them to rot alone. 

• And one even you readers can't deny.  The peel.  I've seen horrific cartoon after horrific cartoon of adults falling and being injured just from stepping on one. 

• Let's talk about their color. Yellow? Please. It's obviously a disguise. What are they hiding?

• Don't even get me started on "banana flavor." Have you tasted that stuff? Nothing like a real banana. What are they trying to pull?

So now you know, bananas are not to be trusted. This shit is getting real, real fast.

Let me take you back to an hour ago when it all began.

Picture this: I'm sitting in my high chair, enjoying my pureed peas (or at least, tolerating them), when my mom walks in. But something's different. Something's terribly, horribly wrong. In each hand, she's clutching a bunch of bananas. Not one bunch, but TWO.

My little baby heart nearly stopped. The room started spinning. In that moment, I saw it all - the beginning of the end, the dawn of the BANANA-ARMEGEDDON.

Why would one household need so many bananas? What sinister plot was unfolding before my very eyes? As my mom casually placed them in the fruit bowl, humming to herself as if she hadn't just invited the apocalypse into our home, I felt a primal scream building in my tiny chest.

But no sound came out. ...I was paralyzed by the sheer horror of it all. That was the moment I knew - I had to be the voice of reason in a world gone mad with banana fever. I had to document everything, to warn others of the impending BANANA-ARMEGEDDON.

So here we are, dear reader. You've been given a glimpse into the twisted, banana-filled world we're living in. The next time you see someone buying multiple bunches of bananas, remember my story. Stay vigilant. Stay alert. And for the love of all that is holy, don't let them take over your fruit bowl. The fate of humanity depends on it.

As I've proven with my observations above, bananas are not to be trusted. Stay vigilant, people, for all of our sakes.